It is so common for parents of biological children to feel that the problem in the relationship between their kids and the stepparent belongs to the person in the step position.

“If they were only nicer, kinder, more understanding, or more forgiving,” they think, “things wouldn’t be such a big deal.”

What does it take to be a good team player — whether at your job or in your family life? Well, to be a good team player, it takes the ability to have openness, generosity, flexibility, and patience. And nowhere are these skills more needed than in stepfamily life.

Here are some ways to be sure you’re being the best team player in your stepfamily that you can be:

As much as we don’t want them to be there, anger and resentment are common in stepfamilies. It’s easy for a stepparent to become angry that their partner’s ex isn’t holding up their end of their responsibilities, or angry that their partner doesn’t notice how much they are doing.

And it’s easy for a stepparent to become resentful about running an entire household while helping raise another person’s children or feeling like they are being taken for granted.

A new year is here — a year to spend time strengthening your stepfamily, overcoming obstacles, and taking advantage of all the information out there on stepfamily life, including this wonderful magazine, StepMom Magazine.

If you haven’t noticed, this past year has seen a burgeoning of information about stepfamily life. This is such an amazing time because, up until now, everything about living in a stepfamily has been suffered through silently by most of us living in it. No one to talk to. No one who really gets it. No understanding of what the issues are and how to talk to our husbands (or wives if you’re a stepdad). No certainty that if we agree to be a part of the life of someone with children, we can demand that they go on this journey with us. (We go with them, but we also need them to go with us).