It is so common for parents of biological children to feel that the problem in the relationship between their kids and the stepparent belongs to the person in the step position.

“If they were only nicer, kinder, more understanding, or more forgiving,” they think, “things wouldn’t be such a big deal.”

What does it take to be a good team player — whether at your job or in your family life? Well, to be a good team player, it takes the ability to have openness, generosity, flexibility, and patience. And nowhere are these skills more needed than in stepfamily life.

Here are some ways to be sure you’re being the best team player in your stepfamily that you can be:

A new year is here — a year to spend time strengthening your stepfamily, overcoming obstacles, and taking advantage of all the information out there on stepfamily life, including this wonderful magazine, StepMom Magazine.

If you haven’t noticed, this past year has seen a burgeoning of information about stepfamily life. This is such an amazing time because, up until now, everything about living in a stepfamily has been suffered through silently by most of us living in it. No one to talk to. No one who really gets it. No understanding of what the issues are and how to talk to our husbands (or wives if you’re a stepdad). No certainty that if we agree to be a part of the life of someone with children, we can demand that they go on this journey with us. (We go with them, but we also need them to go with us).

You’ve married your perfect partner and finally become pregnant with your child together. It is your first child and your partner’s third. He is excited, but you don’t feel that he is as excited about the pregnancy as you are. Your partner’s other children are definitely not as excited about it as you, and you can already sense jealousy of the new baby.

The joy you were experiencing at the thought of your first born has become lessened by the anxiety of bringing your baby into a stepfamily.