It is so common for parents of biological children to feel that the problem in the relationship between their kids and the stepparent belongs to the person in the step position.
“If they were only nicer, kinder, more understanding, or more forgiving,” they think, “things wouldn’t be such a big deal.”
You’ve married your perfect partner and finally become pregnant with your child together. It is your first child and your partner’s third. He is excited, but you don’t feel that he is as excited about the pregnancy as you are. Your partner’s other children are definitely not as excited about it as you, and you can already sense jealousy of the new baby.
The joy you were experiencing at the thought of your first born has become lessened by the anxiety of bringing your baby into a stepfamily.
“I don’t understand how she cannot love Isabel (8). I know she’s acting out a lot of anger about the divorce, but she’s so loving and adorable!”
It is said that nobody can truly love a child like a child’s own parents. We were the ones who saw how precious they were as infants, and who they needed and depended upon growing up. We were the ones feeling pride at each and every milestone, as if our kids were the only children learning to turn over, crawl, and walk. And we fell in love completely the first moment we heard the words “mama” and “dada.”
This love we have for our children is often so powerful that we cannot imagine how a new spouse, who professes to love us so much, does not feel the same way.